Last night, as I was help Chris with dinner, I started talking about how I had come across Rick Hedrick's company that makes expensive telescopes. This developed into a conversation about what I am doing here and what is lacking here for me. I said I wanted a PhD, mostly for the respect associated with it. Chris said that with all the experience I have, I probably know the equivalent of a PhD. Maybe, but I don't have the piece of paper, and without that, it doesn't change people's notions or actions towards me. This evolved through him suggesting I get a PhD, me saying no, it wouldn't produce the results I'm really after (and all the justifications for such a statement), and that what I really wanted was to be an instrument team lead, but that it seems very unlikely, given the current environmental climate here. At some point I stated that it is easier to not want more. Chris objected to this as not being right. I quickly clarified by saying that it is easier to not want more, but that isn't me and I do want more. I wouldn't be me if I didn't.
This morning I came into work as usual. While working on my desktop, a message from my calendar popped up, reminding me of my midterm appraisal with Francesca. I had forgotten about this. I guess that's why I have and use a calendar. What timing, actually. I might just mention my thoughts of last night regarding the climate here towards responsibility to RIA/Ss.
I went to my appraisal meeting and Francesca used Harry's words: "I wish we could clone Elizabeth." Yes, I get the gist of his meaning. That's nice to know. Good. Harry is happy with my work. She also specifically mentioned, "good at multitasking", 'reliable', and several other concise words. Again, this is all good. We proceeded to discuss my goals as listed in the PAR, noting things that need to be changed and a couple of questions for Harry to clarify. After all of that was done, Francesca asked if I had any further questions or concerns. I said yes.
I started by saying that I didn't want to say out loud what I had to say for fear of making it become real. I don't want it to be real, but it is my perception. But I also felt that if I didn't tell her, she wouldn't know my concern and she wouldn't be able to watch for it for confirmation and she wouldn't be able to do anything about it. I am concerned that management purposely decides that certain tasks/responsibilities are outside the league of RIA/Ss. I felt it in the I & T meeting we had on Tuesday. Nothing explicitly was said or implied, but my contribution to the conversation was sidestepped. Discussion was directly to Kailash and about Massimo. Granted, Jay was there and none of it was directed at him either, but that is because he is more specifically WFS than I & T. But I figured with my participation at LMATC for ETU testing, I might be more readily included in discussions. Not so much. This also happened during the previous week's WIT meeting, which was focused on calibration. Massimo wasn't there, and I when I spoke up, Harry seemed to say, "Yes, but Massimo was working on a document..." Again, sidestepped my comment. I also indicated to Francesca that during WIT meetings, the discussion happens between the ISs, since they are the one who get assigned the tasks that are then supposed to supply updates, the calibration working group for each instrument, for example. Then the discussion happens among those at "that" end of the table, while the RIA/Ss sit and listen. From afar. Both figuratively and physically, often. Not exclusively, but the usual is that the RIA/Ss don't own anything that requires in inquiry for status updates. Francesca asked if this happened when Margaret was lead too. Yes, most definitely. It was possibly more distinct then, but I didn't mention that.
Then Francesca shared with me some additional discussions she was privy to for some other purpose. She said someone else noted what I was pointing out and that he doesn't know he is doing it. Good, that means I'm not out in left field all alone. Bad, since that means it is real. I pointed out that it does mean that is how he thinks. She caught herself on that and slowly agreed with me. She said it could be years before the notion of an RIS being an instrument team lead is broached. Already, the idea of RIS's applying for the parallel track has been discussed among management, but she raised a concern that those on the interview panel may not be open to such an idea, and that is an absolute requirement before it can happen. She said that things need to start by getting people to ignore labels and classifications of position. And it needs to start with the management team. She said that Jerry needs to start by working on the management team's preconceived ideas about these things.
She thanked me for telling her. I do think it was good to tell her. If she doesn't know, she can't watch for it, can't do anything about it. It was useful for me to tell her, if not useful today, then probably someday. And I feel better for telling her. I don't have this to gripe about and I've told someone who might be able to do something about it. Now, I can let it go. Not forget it. Just not let it continue to bother me. Someone else is now watching for it.
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